Terrorists Who Kill Children

"To the Editor, Corvallis Gazette-Times:

"Gary Hartman ('We lack unity against terrorists', 31 July 2005) says that when he was a boy, 'if the grownups . . . had seen . . . children in schools blown up by terrorists[, t]here would have been a fury unimaginable today!'

"I am reminded of September 15th, 1963, when Addie Mae Collins, Denise McNair, Carole Robertson, and Cynthia Wesley were blown up by terrorists in a classroom in the basement of the Sixteenth Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, Alabama. The fury of the grownups was such that it took more than forty years for one of the terrorists to go to prison."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Justice delayed is better than nothing."\\

Al Franken Robbing Orphans

No, not really.

But you wouldn't know it from the way the right-wing bloggers have been smearing it all over the net.

Air America Radio scares them, of course, but Al Franken running for Senate scares them a lot more.

Just one more chance for the right to spit on Paul Wellstone's grave.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Don't trust everything you hear."\\

Moonbats Fly For Freedom

Arthur D. Hlavaty has created a new icon which liberal moonbats can display with pride.

Are you a moonbat? Check the definition:

Moonbats are crazy people who like the Moon, and bats.

They believe that liberals once landed on the Moon in the culmination of a big-spending liberal scheme, an obvious absurdity since liberal schemes always fail.

They believe that bats are beneficial animals which eat mosquitos, not seeming to realize that bats are blood-sucking hair-tangling monsters.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Fortune favors the prepared mind."\\

I Could Watch This All Day

Like I need any more incentive to sit here at the computer.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Put this matter aside for awhile."\\

Operation Yellow Elephant

It's a legitimate point:

It is their war, so why aren't they fighting it?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Some people have other priorities."\\

Those Darn Swedes

Did the U.S. invade Iraq, at least in part, because Norwegian-American Karl Rove wanted to punish Swede Hans Blix for the Treaty of Kiel?

Umm, well, apparently so.

Damn, this stuff is weirder than I'd thought.

And these people are weirder than I'd thought.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Never underestimate human perversity."\\

Code Pink

Do they have one for boys?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Take your pick."\\

Rick Santorum Has Nothing to Say

Shocking as it seems, it's true: Rick Santorum was asked his opinion and declined to give it.

On a matter concerning someone else's sex life, no less.

What is the world coming to?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Like you have to ask."\\

Don't Look Away (Again)

Please consider visiting Faithful America and signing their petition:

"To President Bush:

"Genocide is taking place in Darfur, Sudan. On September 9, 2004 your Administration rightfully acknowledged this fact, but the U.S. has failed to take sufficient action to stop the violence. Up to 400,000 people have died and 2.5 million have been displaced, their livelihoods and villages destroyed by Sudanese government forces and their proxy militias. We call on you to assert U.S. leadership by taking every step necessary through the United Nations to:

"1)Establish a mandate for an international force to protect civilians

"2) Deploy such a force in support of existing African Union efforts in Darfur

"The United States has a unique capacity and clear obligation to take immediate action. Unless there is an urgent international intervention in Darfur, up to a million people may be dead by the end of this year."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Do what you know is right."\\

Always Low Standards. Always.

Wal-Mart.


Unions.

Oh, for crying out loud.

The anti-union videotape is especially choice.

But best of all is Wal-Mart's incredibly lame response, which seems to have been computer-generated from "generic denial" software. Sort of like Baghdad Bob on Quaaludes.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "There are some things you can always count on."\\

Licentiousness

Arthur D. Hlavaty turned me on to this, and he says he scored it off of Robot Wisdom (although I couldn't find the article there):

It seems that someone has come up with a stunningly novel way to deal with the enormous opium-growing industry in Afghanistan: License it for sale to manufacturers of morphine and other legally-used opiate drugs.

Might call that a free market solution, huh?

But guess who's against it?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Well, duh!"\\

Santorum vs. the School

A lot of folks are unhappy with Senator Rick Santorum because he refuses to pay school tuition for his children as they attend a charter school. The school district argues that Santorum isn't a bona fide resident of the district, and therefore should pay tuition at the out-of-state rate. Santorum counters that he is indeed a resident, and spends so much time out of town because, hey, he's a Sentor and the Senate meets over in this town called Washington.

I yield to no-one in my disdain for the Human Santorum-Blot, but I have to admit, it sure sounds as though the law and reason are on his side.

But don't feel bad, people. Be content with the fact that disputing the school district's bill makes him look churlish, and with the certainty that he will be caught doing something actually illegal eventually.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "I call 'em like I see 'em".\\

Creationism

[Recycled from 5 November 2004]

The biggest objection I've always had to creationism is that I just can't believe that this world we see around us is too orderly, too unified, to be nothing more than a collection of happenstance and coincidence.

[Typo corrected: What I meant to say was, "I can't believe that this world we see around us is nothing more than a collection of happenstance and coincidence. It is too orderly, too unified, for that."]

You have seven bones in your neck. So does a giraffe. So does a pygmy shrew, thought its neckbones are too small to pick up without tweezers. So edoes every mammal. Why? A biologist will say, "All mammals descend from a common ancestor that had seven neckbones. There are patterns everywhere in nature, and those patterns have meaning." A creationist is reduced to shrugging and saying, "God just felt like doing it that way. Just coincidence, nothing more. Any pattern you see is either blind chance or divine whim. If God had so chosen, cats would have six legs and feathers, while dogs had three legs and green leaves."

Actually, creationism strikes me as evidence of Satan at work in the world. Satan loves to create false dilemmas and dichotomies. It sounds exactly like him to whisper in someone's ear, "If the stars are older than the Earth, then there is no God!"

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "A false premise will never lead to a correct conclusion."\\

Celebrating Terrorism

After hearing for years about people so depraved that they actually rejoiced over acts of terrorism, I finally saw some people doing it, right there on Fox News Channel:

BRIAN KILMEADE: And he [British Prime Minister Tony Blair] made the statement, clearly shaken, but clearly determined. This is his second address in the last hour. First to the people of London, and now at the G8 summit, where their topic Number 1 --believe it or not-- was global warming, the second was African aid. And that was the first time since 9-11 when they should know, and they do know now, that terrorism should be Number 1. But it's important for them all to be together. I think that works to our advantage, in the Western world's advantage, for people to experience something like this together, just 500 miles from where the attacks have happened.

STUART VARNEY: It puts the Number 1 issue right back on the front burner right at the point where all these world leaders are meeting. It takes global warming off the front burner. It takes African aid off the front burner. It sticks terrorism and the fight on the war on terror, right up front all over again.

Grinning, heartless bastards.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You have been looking in the wrong places."\\

Things I Like to Wear

[Recycled from 26 October 2004]

1. The Sweater That Would Not Die. Some 17 or 18 years ago, I bought a tie-dyed thermal shirt off a travelling Deadhead. I loved it. It was the most colorful piece of clothing I'd ever owned. When it stared to wear out, I could *not* find a replacement for it, so I patched it and kept wearing it.

In order to attach the decaying fabric to the patches, I had to sew it down, and the stitches were bound to show, so I used brightly colored yarn and embroidery floss, and made the stitches part of the decoration of the garment. Also, often I had nothing thermal-like to use for a patch except for my worn-out black socks, and I stitched gaudy yarn over the black patches to make them blend in better. And then I started stitching on extra strands just for decoration.

The result is a truly unique work of art, if I do say so myself. I shudder to think how many hundreds of hours of TV-watching and talking-book "reading" have gone into maintaining and advancing this garment (I call it a sweater these days).

It's my celebrity shirt -- it gets me noticed, and being a paunchy middle-aged man with a graying beard, getting smiles and compliments is just fine by me.

2. My red plaid wool shirt (the Wallace tartan, I believe). It's so marvelously warm in cold weather, and it's the second most coilorful thing I own. The top buttonhole is frayed, so I don't use it, and it looks really swell when I wear it with my purple T-shirt.

3. My engineer's cap. I got in the habit of wearing a hat, preferably a cloth cap with a bill, when I was in the Navy, and Kathe really likes the way I look in a hickory-striped trainman's cap, so that's the one I have settled on. These days, I get them made for my weirdly-large head at the Hatterdashery in Seattle. The Hatterdasher himself was in Corvallis for the Fall Festival last month, and I ordered two from him (I was feeling flush that month, and it's always a good feeling to know you have a backup hat in reserve).

4. My Commander USA long-sleeved T-shirt. With a goofy superhero costume printed on it front and back, all I have to do is add Waldy's red leather domino mask and I've got an instant masquerade / Halloween costume.

5. My Sandman Mystery Theatre T-shirt, with the Sandman, in his gas mask and fedora, printed in gray and green on a black T-shirt. I like that one so much that I reserve it for special occasions. I'm very pleased by how it's holding up. I'll be sad when I notice it being more gray than black.

I would like to say I love wearing my black monochrome Chuck Taylors, which are as comfortable as the "white man's moccasins" always are but can pass easily for respectable office-type shoes. Unfortunately, my current pair are so badly worn that even black socks have a hard time concealing the holes that have appeared. I need new shoes. But we're not feeling very flush this month.

[Update: As soon as we were feeling even a small trickle, I bought a couple of pairs ahead. But now I'm starting nursing school, and I need respectable nursely white shoes. I'll have to check around and see what I can stand to wear.]

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Don't be too concerned with outward appearances."\\

Nutrition News (Paraphrased)

Center for Science in the Public Interest: There should be nutritional warning labels on soda pop.

Center for Individual Freedom: Soda labelling is a Commie plot.

CSPI: They would say that; they're a corporate front group.

CIF: What's your point?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Never mind."\\

Thetans What?

The last time I noticed Scientology, "thetans" were different levels of mental function, but nowadays, I find, they are evil spirits come to mess up our lives.

But that's . . . that's Richard Shaver's "deros"! It's the Shaver Hoax all over again, apparently. Wow.

Who would have guessed that the second-dumbest cult ever to come out of science fiction fandom would get a second chance at life via the third-dumbest?

What's the dumbest of all? It's had various names, but currently goes by NMD.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Insufficient data for a meaningful answer at this time."\\

Jake's Here, 2005

Kathe's son Jake has come again, as he did last year, to work on the roof. This time, he's tearing off the north-facing section, letting daylight into the north end of the attic for the first time in my memory, anyhow.

Say, Kathe, any chance we could put a window or two in the northern end of the attic?

Spare Us!

Peter A. Brown
Orlando Sentinel

Mr. Brown:

In your column of July 8th, you begin by asking why, in the four years since 9/11, there has been no terrorist attack in the U.S. equivalent to the bombings in Madrid and London. You start to conclude, correctly enough, "it is impossible to know for certain why something does not occur", but then contradict yourself by declaring "[c]learly . . . the lack of a terrorist incident in the United States since 9-11 . . . stems from U.S. government measures, or terrorists' decision that their self-interest requires them to look elsewhere for targets of opportunity."

No, sorry, this is not at all clear. Much less is it clear, as you try very hard to suggest, that recent history vindicates the U.S.A.P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act of 2001, much less that it retroactively justifies the invasion of Iraq.

To start with, wouldn't such a construal require a vote of thanks and belated apology to Bill Clinton for the policies which prevented the al Qaeda attacks of 1995 and 1999?

Unthinkably yours,

John M. Burt
Corvallis, Oregon"

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "When Hell freezes over."\\

Well, is it?

[Recycled from 13 October 2004]

Is stop-motion animation a form of animation?

How about claymation?

Surely they are. I've never seen anyone to challenge it. But . . .

Is marionette or hand-puppet or silhouette play also animation? It's technology used to create the illusion of life, so I think it is.

Here's another thought: At what point does makeup become puppetry? I suppose that happens when someone standing off-camera works the eyebrows or ears or whatever.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Turn me over and ask again."\\

Imported Drugs

[Recycled from 10 October 2004]

Please note the important thing about the fuss over people ordering drugs from Canada: the administration clearly regards importation as a great and awesome power, meant for corporations and not for the likes of you or me.

If Squibb wanted to import drugs by the zepplin-load from Canada, the FDA would be rolling out the red carpet for them. It's only when an individual wants to take the initiative and take personal responsiblity that they fall afoul of . . . conservatives?

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Je ne crois pas".\\

Bad People Comparing Bush and Hitler

We all know that to compare George W. Bush with Adolf Hitler is a terrible thing to do, and people who treat Bush as though he were Hitler are very bad people. So who are these people?

I submit that the worst offenders in this regard are those people whose support for and adulation of Bush resemble that given by many Germans of the 1930s and '40s to Hitler. People who, for instance, rent billboards declaring Bush "Our Leader", or who say that any criticism of Bush is "treason".

That ain't the American Way.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "False comparisons lead to false conclusions."\\

I Am Not Pro-Abortion

Never have been.

"Pro-choice" is not just an euphemism.

If you don't understand that, there is little chance of any further communication on the subject.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "Try Again Later."\\

Washington: Behind Closed Doors

Conversation at the White House [Reconstruction]:
"The replacement for Justice O'Connor needs to be someone reliable, not a surprise package like Souter."
"Right. We need someone who displays the qualities we value so highly in Justice Thomas."
"Gee, fellas, maybe we should ask Justice Thomas to suggest some names?"
"Um, Mr. President, apparently you don't understand what qualities it is we value in Justice Thomas...."

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "It is Decidedly So, by 5-4."\\

O'Connor's Successor

I really do not want to see another Clarence Thomas on the Supreme Court.

Not even because of the damage that would be done to our country and its laws, but simply for the sake of the Court itself.

Thomas is clearly out of his depth, intellectually and professionally, bumbling his way through the Court's business in a fashion which impairs the dignity of what ought to be the most respectable body in the nation.

We don't need another one of those.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "What you need is not always what you get."\\